Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Scene 23: The Bridge of Death
 
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[gurgle]
GALAHAD:
There it is!
ARTHUR:
The Bridge of Death!
[PICTURE]
ROBIN:
Oh, great.
ARTHUR:
Look! There's the old man from scene twenty-four!
BEDEVERE:
What is he doing here?
ARTHUR:
He is the keeper of the Bridge of Death. He asks each traveller five questions--
GALAHAD:
Three questions.
ARTHUR:
Three questions. He who answers the five questions--
GALAHAD:
Three questions.
ARTHUR:
Three questions may cross in safety.
ROBIN:
What if you get a question wrong?
ARTHUR:
Then you are cast into the Gorge of Eternal Peril.
ROBIN:
Oh, I won't go.
GALAHAD:
Who's going to answer the questions?
ARTHUR:
Sir Robin!
ROBIN:
Yes?
ARTHUR:
Brave Sir Robin, you go.
ROBIN:
Hey! I've got a great idea. Why doesn't Launcelot go?
LAUNCELOT:
Yes. Let me go, my liege. I will take him single-handed. I shall make a feint to the north-east that s--
ARTHUR:
No, no. No. Hang on! Hang on! Hang on! Just answer the five questions--
GALAHAD:
Three questions.
ARTHUR:
Three questions as best you can, and we shall watch... and pray.
LAUNCELOT:
I understand, my liege.
ARTHUR:
Good luck, brave Sir Launcelot. God be with you.
BRIDGEKEEPER:
Stop!
[PICTURE]
Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see.
LAUNCELOT:
Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I am not afraid.
BRIDGEKEEPER:
What... is your name?
[PICTURE]
LAUNCELOT:
My name is 'Sir Launcelot of Camelot'.
BRIDGEKEEPER:
What... is your quest?
LAUNCELOT:
To seek the Holy Grail.
BRIDGEKEEPER:
What... is your favourite colour?
LAUNCELOT:
Blue.
BRIDGEKEEPER:
Right. Off you go.
LAUNCELOT:
Oh, thank you. Thank you very much.
ROBIN:
That's easy!
BRIDGEKEEPER:
Stop! Who approacheth the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see.
ROBIN:
Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I'm not afraid.
BRIDGEKEEPER:
What... is your name?
ROBIN:
'Sir Robin of Camelot'.
BRIDGEKEEPER:
What... is your quest?
ROBIN:
To seek the Holy Grail.
BRIDGEKEEPER:
What... is the capital of Assyria?
[pause]
ROBIN:
I don't know that! Auuuuuuuugh!
BRIDGEKEEPER:
Stop! What... is your name?
GALAHAD:
'Sir Galahad of Camelot'.
BRIDGEKEEPER:
What... is your quest?
GALAHAD:
I seek the Grail.
BRIDGEKEEPER:
What... is your favourite colour?
GALAHAD:
Blue. No, yel-- auuuuuuuugh!
BRIDGEKEEPER:
Hee hee heh. Stop! What... is your name?
ARTHUR:
It is 'Arthur', King of the Britons.
BRIDGEKEEPER:
What... is your quest?
ARTHUR:
To seek the Holy Grail.
BRIDGEKEEPER:
What... is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
ARTHUR:
What do you mean? An African or European swallow?
BRIDGEKEEPER:
Huh? I-- I don't know that. Auuuuuuuugh!
BEDEVERE:
How do know so much about swallows?
ARTHUR:
Well, you have to know these things when you're a king, you know.
[suspenseful music]
[PICTURE]
[music suddenly stops]
[intermission]
[PICTURE]
[suspenseful music resumes]

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